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The Rebel's Guide to Leadership

12/10/2020

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My birthday seemed an auspicious date to launch my new eBook - The Rebel’s Guide to Leadership.

The book weaves together stories from my personal rebel journey as co-founder and former principal of Matahui School in NZ with new theories of leadership and education. My purpose in writing the book is to encourage people to take a stand on things that matter to them, to challenge the status quo if necessary, to do what they can to help create a more compassionate, just and sustainable world. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of leadership, you may like Meg Wheatley’s definition of a leader as ‘anyone who is willing to help’.

In publishing The Rebel’s Guide to Leadership, I'm raising my rebel flag against the traditional, hierarchical leadership model, and also our society’s emphasis on achievements, affluence and appearance. Our culture has become so externally-focused, too many of us become disconnected from our own hearts and deepest values.

You can find out more about the book and download a free chapter here​.
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Paradox & Covid-19

18/6/2020

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Photo credit:  Andre Hunter on unsplash
There's so much to celebrate and be grateful for here in New  Zealand with community transmission of Covid-19 virtually eliminated and social and business life again able to resume.

Of course there's also much to grieve with loss of jobs and incomes, plans and dreams 
dashed, separation from family and friends overseas and huge uncertainty about what the future holds for us personally and our communities.

The news yesterday of two new cases arriving in New Zealand reminds me of the fragile nature of our border protection and causes anxiety levels to rise again.  It is impossible to predict when our borders will be able to re-open or how society might change permanently as a result of the pandemic. 

Coronavirus has highlighted the complex and paradoxical nature of life.  In our response to the pandemic we are caught between many opposing ideas that pull against each other.
For example:
  • personal freedom & personal restrictions
  • physical separation & deeper human connection
  • selfishness (panic buying) & selflessness and acts of kindness

Global disruption has now grown beyond the Covid crisis with the Black Lives Matter movement sweeping the world.  They demand change and an end to systemic racism.  Covid-19 heralds a time of profound change for the world, which brings another source of tension for us between the desire to hold on to the past and an openness to the inevitability of change. ​
Corona holds a mirror that reflects our relationship with ourselves, with the Earth, with each other and with the broader systems we live in.
- Marian Brehmer -
Our shared pandemic experiences and insights will provide rich material for my next day retreat The Courage Way:  How to embrace paradox & transform conflict on Saturday 1 August in Auckland.   You can find details of this and other upcoming Circle of Trust events here.  Of course, if there's any change due to a second wave of the virus (which, fingers crossed, there won't be), you'll receive a full refund.

What change do you want to see emerge from this crisis?
How will you embody the change you want to see in the world?
​                     

Imagine  
 
Imagine with me for a moment –
don’t worry, I’m not saying it’s real.
Imagine, if you can, that there has been
not a calamity, but a great awakening.
Pretend, just for a moment,
that we so loved our threatened earth
that we stopped going on cruises,
limited international flights,
worked on cherishing the places
where we already are.
In this pretty fantasy, everyone who possibly can
stops commuting. Spends the extra time
with their kids or pets or garden.
We have the revelation that everyone
needs health care, sick leave, steady work.
It occurs to us that health care workers
are heroes.  Also teachers.
Not to mention artists of all kinds
who teach us resilience and joy.
Imagine, if you will,
that we turned to our neighbours
in mutual aid, trading eggs for milk,
checking on those who are elderly
or alone. Imagine that each of us
felt suddenly called to wonder
In this moment, what does the world
Need from me? What are my gifts?
Yes, I know it’s just a fantasy.
The world would never change
So radically overnight.
But imagine.
 
Lynn Ungar
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A time for giving & receiving

3/12/2019

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When giving is all we have 
One river gives
Its journey to the next.

We give because someone gave to us.
We give because nobody gave to us.

We give because giving has changed us.
We give because giving could have changed us.

We have been better for it,
We have been wounded by it--

Giving has many faces: It is loud and quiet,
Big, though small, diamond in wood-nails.

Its story is old, the plot worn and the pages too,
But we read this book, anyway, over and again:

Giving is, first and every time, hand to hand,
Mine to yours, yours to mine.

You gave me blue and I gave you yellow.
Together we are simple green. You gave me

What you did not have, and I gave you
What I had to give—together, we made

Something greater from the difference.
 
Alberto Ríos

On Saturday, at our final Circle of Trust retreat for the year, we considered the lovely paradox of giving and receiving, how giving and receiving can be simultaneous and interconnected acts, like breathing in and breathing out.  How we can’t have one without the other.  The idea that in giving, we receive.  In receiving we give.

Lots of joy and laughter was shared, and also a few tears, as we recalled the best gifts we have given in our lives, and the best gifts we have received.

For many of us, giving comes easily and naturally.  Receiving, on the other hand, can be more challenging.   

Perhaps this is because giving is linked to generosity, a desired virtue. 

Receiving isn’t usually seen in the same light though.  Receiving is often thought of as simply getting something.  It has a more ‘selfish’ connotation, which may be why many of us find it more difficult to receive, or to ask for something.  We don’t want to be seen as selfish or self-serving.

I’ve come to recognise this in myself, how I can too quickly brush off offers of help, even compliments, without considering them, not allowing them to penetrate an invisible wall I’ve created.  This may also be because I’m one of those people who likes to be capable and in control.  So, for me, there is also a sense of vulnerability that comes with receiving or asking for help. 
 
     What gets in the way of receiving for you? 
     What gets in the way of giving?

We humans are complex beings, and a comfortable relationship with giving and receiving may continue to be a work-in-progress.   But this is important inner work, because it offers a deepening understanding of our interdependence.  Giving and receiving are at the heart of our life-giving human connection, our need for each other.

Which leads to a couple more questions …..

     Can we give in a way that makes receiving easy?
     Can we receive in a way that makes giving easy?

Giving and receiving are at the heart of the Circle of Trust approach, which is based on the work of writer, teacher and social activist Parker J. Palmer.  In a Circle of Trust we give and receive the gift of welcome and non-judgement, we give and receive the gift of deep listening, we give and receive the gift of invitation and non-invasion, we give and receive the gift of silence and space for personal reflection and renewal.

The principles and practices we learn in a Circle of Trust can go with us into our personal and professional lives to help us grow and sustain trustworthy relationships and be more effective and resilient in the face of life's changes and challenges. 
 
If you'd like to experience a Circle of Trust retreat, please check out my 2020 calendar of day retreats.  And of course, you're welcome to contact me if you’d like to know more. 

Meanwhile I send you warm wishes for a restful and renewing break over the Christmas period, for happy times with loved ones, doing the things that sustain you and bring joy to your life.
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    Mennie Scapens

    Mennie designs and leads leadership development programs, teacher renewal retreats, and programs for personal development.  She is passionate about helping people uncover and grow their unique talents and dreams, and discovering personal pathways to living and leading authentic lives.  

    She is a facilitator prepared by the Center for Courage & Renewal. 

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Mennie Scapens M.Ed
Courage & Renewal Facilitator
Phone 07 552 6581
Mobile 027 686 7449
Email  scapens@xtra.co.nz


What participants have to say:

"Taking the time out of the busy rush of university life to really reconnect with my inner self was definitely invaluable! I had forgotten to really take a step back to re-evaluate my personal goals and see whether they align with my values."
   - Merit Scholar, Macquarie 
           University, Sydney.


"I particularly liked the idea of the trust circle, in which silence wasn't awkward, but was mostly a way to reflect upon what others told. The atmosphere was very soothing, relaxed and ideal for inner thinking and reflection." 
  - Merit Scholar, Macquarie 
           University, Sydney.


"The concept of silence as a valued member of the group provides a new framework to connect and relate to others, in a more responsive way rather than a reactive way."
 - Counsellor, Tauranga.