We shape our self
to fit this world
and by the world
are shaped again.
- David Whyte
(an excerpt from Working Together)
I think this little excerpt from David Whyte’s poem beautifully illustrates the paradoxical nature of being human.
We each have an outer Onstage life of work and family and relationships. These are the things that other people can see about us, perhaps the things we want them to see about us. These include our professional and social masks, our different roles and responsibilities at work and home, our social media presence, our qualifications, expertise, reputation and influence.
The Onstage life is very much the focus of our western culture. The work that we do, how much we achieve, and how we look while we’re doing it. These things are highly regarded, so this encourages us to focus our attention externally.
But the flipside is we also have a Backstage Life, that private and personal internal part of our Self that we may seldom share with others. This is where we hold our deepest values and beliefs, the things we love and hate, our hopes and dreams, self-doubts, fears, and prejudices. Very few people may get to meet our Backstage self because it doesn’t feel safe to share her openly, so we keep her hidden away. It doesn’t help that many workplace cultures encourage people to leave their personal inner lives at the door with a clear separation between one’s professional and personal life. Sometimes we hide our inner self so successfully, we risk losing touch with her ourselves.
But when we strive to be authentic and to show up as our true selves in our life and work, our inner and outer lives need to be in closer alignment. This is much easier said than done though, because just as David Whyte’s words suggest, the relationship between our inner and outer lives is in a constant state of flux.
For instance, if you’ve ever had a sense of overwhelm with too many competing demands and flooded with urgent emails, or perhaps you’ve felt overlooked or unappreciated for a job well done, then you’ll be aware of how negative feelings can chew away inside and affect your outer mood and openness. Similarly, when we have positive inner feelings, these brighten our outlook and our mood. The way we show up in our outer life and interactions reflects our inner state, and this in turn, affects the quality of our interactions.
So there’s a constant interplay between our inner state and the way we show up in our outer life and the situations we encounter. One affects the other, and vice versa. We’ll have some days when things are going well, and we show up with an open heart and an open mind. And then there’ll be other days when some interaction may have sparked our inner fears which causes us to be more defensive than usual and less open to feedback we don’t want to hear. I imagine you’ve all experienced days when you’ve felt disheartened on the inside but have worn a brave face for the world.
This is why regular reflective practice and growing one’s self-understanding is as important and valuable as developing one’s professional knowledge. Personal and professional development need to go hand in hand. Authenticity and trustworthiness cannot be plastered on externally. This comes from within, and it requires an ongoing exploration of one’s inner ground, of getting to know one’s ‘whole’ self - both the light and shadow, strengths and limits, hopes and fears. As Parker Palmer says, the most important thing we bring to our work and leadership is our Self and our ability to weave connections between ourselves and others, and the work we’re trying to do.
Connecting ‘who we are’ with ‘what we do’ lies at the heart of the Courage & Renewal® approach. Courage & Renewal retreats offer a unique and transformative approach to personal and professional development that deepens reflective practice, self-awareness, and interpersonal skills; replenishes well-being; and fosters closer alignment between one’s inner and outer lives. This work is based on the belief that personal and organizational growth, and meaningful change always begins within. Our internal life is central to our overall well-being.
When we know and trust ourselves – who we are and what we stand for – we’re better able to recognise and manage ego-led behaviour and show up in our outer lives with courage and integrity. Trustworthiness and courage are hallmarks of authentic presence and leadership.
You can find information about my next day retreat here. If you’d like to learn more about my work, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I’d love to hear from you.
We each have an outer Onstage life of work and family and relationships. These are the things that other people can see about us, perhaps the things we want them to see about us. These include our professional and social masks, our different roles and responsibilities at work and home, our social media presence, our qualifications, expertise, reputation and influence.
The Onstage life is very much the focus of our western culture. The work that we do, how much we achieve, and how we look while we’re doing it. These things are highly regarded, so this encourages us to focus our attention externally.
But the flipside is we also have a Backstage Life, that private and personal internal part of our Self that we may seldom share with others. This is where we hold our deepest values and beliefs, the things we love and hate, our hopes and dreams, self-doubts, fears, and prejudices. Very few people may get to meet our Backstage self because it doesn’t feel safe to share her openly, so we keep her hidden away. It doesn’t help that many workplace cultures encourage people to leave their personal inner lives at the door with a clear separation between one’s professional and personal life. Sometimes we hide our inner self so successfully, we risk losing touch with her ourselves.
But when we strive to be authentic and to show up as our true selves in our life and work, our inner and outer lives need to be in closer alignment. This is much easier said than done though, because just as David Whyte’s words suggest, the relationship between our inner and outer lives is in a constant state of flux.
For instance, if you’ve ever had a sense of overwhelm with too many competing demands and flooded with urgent emails, or perhaps you’ve felt overlooked or unappreciated for a job well done, then you’ll be aware of how negative feelings can chew away inside and affect your outer mood and openness. Similarly, when we have positive inner feelings, these brighten our outlook and our mood. The way we show up in our outer life and interactions reflects our inner state, and this in turn, affects the quality of our interactions.
So there’s a constant interplay between our inner state and the way we show up in our outer life and the situations we encounter. One affects the other, and vice versa. We’ll have some days when things are going well, and we show up with an open heart and an open mind. And then there’ll be other days when some interaction may have sparked our inner fears which causes us to be more defensive than usual and less open to feedback we don’t want to hear. I imagine you’ve all experienced days when you’ve felt disheartened on the inside but have worn a brave face for the world.
This is why regular reflective practice and growing one’s self-understanding is as important and valuable as developing one’s professional knowledge. Personal and professional development need to go hand in hand. Authenticity and trustworthiness cannot be plastered on externally. This comes from within, and it requires an ongoing exploration of one’s inner ground, of getting to know one’s ‘whole’ self - both the light and shadow, strengths and limits, hopes and fears. As Parker Palmer says, the most important thing we bring to our work and leadership is our Self and our ability to weave connections between ourselves and others, and the work we’re trying to do.
Connecting ‘who we are’ with ‘what we do’ lies at the heart of the Courage & Renewal® approach. Courage & Renewal retreats offer a unique and transformative approach to personal and professional development that deepens reflective practice, self-awareness, and interpersonal skills; replenishes well-being; and fosters closer alignment between one’s inner and outer lives. This work is based on the belief that personal and organizational growth, and meaningful change always begins within. Our internal life is central to our overall well-being.
When we know and trust ourselves – who we are and what we stand for – we’re better able to recognise and manage ego-led behaviour and show up in our outer lives with courage and integrity. Trustworthiness and courage are hallmarks of authentic presence and leadership.
You can find information about my next day retreat here. If you’d like to learn more about my work, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I’d love to hear from you.
RSS Feed