My birthday seemed an auspicious date to launch my new eBook - The Rebel’s Guide to Leadership.

The book weaves together stories from my personal rebel journey as co-founder and former principal of Matahui School in NZ with new theories of leadership and education. My purpose in writing the book is to encourage people to take a stand on things that matter to them, to challenge the status quo if necessary, to do what they can to help create a more compassionate, just and sustainable world. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of leadership, you may like Meg Wheatley’s definition of a leader as ‘anyone who is willing to help’.

In publishing The Rebel’s Guide to Leadership, I'm raising my rebel flag against the traditional, hierarchical leadership model, and also our society’s emphasis on achievements, affluence and appearance. Our culture has become so externally-focused, too many of us become disconnected from our own hearts and deepest values.

You can find out more about the book and download a free chapter here​.

On Saturday, at our final Circle of Trust retreat for the year, we considered the lovely paradox of giving and receiving, how giving and receiving can be simultaneous and interconnected acts, like breathing in and breathing out.  How we can’t have one without the other.  The idea that in giving, we receive.  In receiving we give.

Lots of joy and laughter was shared, and also a few tears, as we recalled the best gifts we have given in our lives, and the best gifts we have received.

For many of us, giving comes easily and naturally.  Receiving, on the other hand, can be more challenging.   

Perhaps this is because giving is linked to generosity, a desired virtue. 

Receiving isn’t usually seen in the same light though.  Receiving is often thought of as simply getting something.  It has a more ‘selfish’ connotation, which may be why many of us find it more difficult to receive, or to ask for something.  We don’t want to be seen as selfish or self-serving.

I’ve come to recognise this in myself, how I can too quickly brush off offers of help, even compliments, without considering them, not allowing them to penetrate an invisible wall I’ve created.  This may also be because I’m one of those people who likes to be capable and in control.  So, for me, there is also a sense of vulnerability that comes with receiving or asking for help. 
 
     What gets in the way of receiving for you? 
     What gets in the way of giving?

We humans are complex beings, and a comfortable relationship with giving and receiving may continue to be a work-in-progress.   But this is important inner work, because it offers a deepening understanding of our interdependence.  Giving and receiving are at the heart of our life-giving human connection, our need for each other.

Which leads to a couple more questions …..

     Can we give in a way that makes receiving easy?
     Can we receive in a way that makes giving easy?

Giving and receiving are at the heart of the Circle of Trust approach, which is based on the work of writer, teacher and social activist Parker J. Palmer.  In a Circle of Trust we give and receive the gift of welcome and non-judgement, we give and receive the gift of deep listening, we give and receive the gift of invitation and non-invasion, we give and receive the gift of silence and space for personal reflection and renewal.

The principles and practices we learn in a Circle of Trust can go with us into our personal and professional lives to help us grow and sustain trustworthy relationships and be more effective and resilient in the face of life's changes and challenges. 
 
If you'd like to experience a Circle of Trust retreat, please check out my 2020 calendar of day retreats.  And of course, you're welcome to contact me if you’d like to know more. 

Meanwhile I send you warm wishes for a restful and renewing break over the Christmas period, for happy times with loved ones, doing the things that sustain you and bring joy to your life.

I've been thinking a lot about Time lately - how no one seems to have enough of it, and everyone bemoans the lack of it.  Yet today, being busy seems to have become a social badge of achievement.   We like to tell each other how busy we are. 

What worries me is that when we get too caught up in the surface everyday whirl of our lives, we risk losing deeper connections - important connections - vital even - connection with Self; with others; with nature; connection with the wonder and mystery that life holds.

I believe that many of the personal, social, economic and environmental problems we face across our world today stem from the loss of one or more of these vital connections. Finding the solutions will begin with re-discovering connection.

My blog post today has turned into a poem of sorts.....

Time Out
When did life become a race? 
A race to first up the ladder,
to become the best, the busiest,
to acquire and do the most.
 
When did time become a scarcity?
A thing to be saved and guarded
and meagerly doled out  
into the timetable that is our life.
 
When did leisure time stop being leisurely? 
When did we start cramming our moments
for fun, for friends and family,
into schedules with too few gaps?
 
When did we forget how to wait?
To want everything the world offers and Now.
 
When did we forget that it takes time,
generous time,
to create, to achieve, to connect
to do good things that are truly worth doing.
 
When did exhaustion, overwhelm and burnout become everyday words?
 
And when is someone going to call Time Out?
 
Time for stillness, for rest, for open space,
time for taking stock of our lives
what we’re doing
where we’re going
the things that truly matter to each of us
on our journeys.
 
​
Mennie Scapens

In conversation with a colleague recently, I was dismayed to hear that we shouldn't use the word ‘heart’ when talking about leadership development.  Apparently ‘heart’ is frowned upon because it has subjective connotations which don’t sit well with the constant demand today for objective, measurable data.  Talk of the leader’s heart moves us into the realms of human feelings and intuition, both of which are clearly unmeasurable and, worse still, somewhat mysterious.  So this simply won’t do in today’s organisational environment which requires strong, objective, outcome-driven leadership.

As I said, I was dismayed - in fact I was disheartened - because I refer to ‘heart’ regularly when I'm talking about what we each bring to our work in the world – e.g. “the teacher’s heart” – “the leader’s heart”.  To me, ‘heart’ is so much more than simply the centre of our emotions and feelings.  When I refer to ‘heart’, I'm talking about the very core of our being, the place where we bring together our intellect, our knowledge and experience, our values and beliefs, and yes, also, our feelings and intuition.  When we’re able to operate from a place where all these parts of ourselves are integrated, feelings and intuition become an important source of creativity and wisdom.  From this integrated centre we are able to step back and separate from our ego, and recognise how ego loves to control our lives with fear, ambitions and desire.  Once freed from the controlling influence of the ego, we find we have the courage to show up in the world with all of ourselves, with our strengths and weaknesses, our successes and failures.  From this integrated centre we also can find a deeper sense of purpose in life and the courage to stand up and strive for what we believe in.

The domain of the heart is also where we develop our human capacity for making meaningful connections and building rich, respectful and trustworthy relationships with ourselves, with others and with our shared environment.

For me, the word ‘heart’ signifies the source of our personal integrity and it is central to our sense of humanity.
​
I believe the world needs more leaders with heart.