I’m back.

You may not have missed me, but I’ve been in retreat from social media networks for a few months now. I’ve been in retreat from quite a lot actually - lying low - trying to figure out what on earth was going on and what I needed to do. I understood that I was impacted by these pandemic times, but I'd been beating myself up for my lack of resilience. What did I have to complain about when so many people were so much worse off?

But at my Circle of Trust retreat this past weekend – Navigating Life’s Changes with courage & integrity – it all came home to me.  

​I realized I was lost in the liminal space created by the Covid pandemic – that disorienting space of transition between letting go of ‘what once was’ and ‘what is yet to come’.

I asked participants this question:
 “Are there things you need to let go of to open more fully to what is to come?”

And I realized that I was holding on to and weighed down by a deep sense of resentment against the pandemic for how it has disrupted everything I know and love. I also recognised the abundance of choices I'm fortunate to have, and that the only thing holding me back was my resentment. Today it feels like a weight has rolled off my shoulders and I’m ready to embrace life again and have a go at the New Normal.  

When change happens in our lives, it always requires a period of transition when we must live with the change, experience it, adjust to it, until it becomes absorbed into our lives as the New Normal. Change always requires a letting go of what we once knew as Normal, and that’s what I have done.

Phew!

With deep gratitude to my mentor and friend, Judy Brown, for her poem ‘Trough’, which we used at the retreat to explore the theme of liminal space.

On Saturday, at our final Circle of Trust retreat for the year, we considered the lovely paradox of giving and receiving, how giving and receiving can be simultaneous and interconnected acts, like breathing in and breathing out.  How we can’t have one without the other.  The idea that in giving, we receive.  In receiving we give.

Lots of joy and laughter was shared, and also a few tears, as we recalled the best gifts we have given in our lives, and the best gifts we have received.

For many of us, giving comes easily and naturally.  Receiving, on the other hand, can be more challenging.   

Perhaps this is because giving is linked to generosity, a desired virtue. 

Receiving isn’t usually seen in the same light though.  Receiving is often thought of as simply getting something.  It has a more ‘selfish’ connotation, which may be why many of us find it more difficult to receive, or to ask for something.  We don’t want to be seen as selfish or self-serving.

I’ve come to recognise this in myself, how I can too quickly brush off offers of help, even compliments, without considering them, not allowing them to penetrate an invisible wall I’ve created.  This may also be because I’m one of those people who likes to be capable and in control.  So, for me, there is also a sense of vulnerability that comes with receiving or asking for help. 
 
     What gets in the way of receiving for you? 
     What gets in the way of giving?

We humans are complex beings, and a comfortable relationship with giving and receiving may continue to be a work-in-progress.   But this is important inner work, because it offers a deepening understanding of our interdependence.  Giving and receiving are at the heart of our life-giving human connection, our need for each other.

Which leads to a couple more questions …..

     Can we give in a way that makes receiving easy?
     Can we receive in a way that makes giving easy?

Giving and receiving are at the heart of the Circle of Trust approach, which is based on the work of writer, teacher and social activist Parker J. Palmer.  In a Circle of Trust we give and receive the gift of welcome and non-judgement, we give and receive the gift of deep listening, we give and receive the gift of invitation and non-invasion, we give and receive the gift of silence and space for personal reflection and renewal.

The principles and practices we learn in a Circle of Trust can go with us into our personal and professional lives to help us grow and sustain trustworthy relationships and be more effective and resilient in the face of life's changes and challenges. 
 
If you'd like to experience a Circle of Trust retreat, please check out my 2020 calendar of day retreats.  And of course, you're welcome to contact me if you’d like to know more. 

Meanwhile I send you warm wishes for a restful and renewing break over the Christmas period, for happy times with loved ones, doing the things that sustain you and bring joy to your life.

A Small Needful Fact
Is that Eric Garner worked
for some time for the Parks and Rec.
Horticultural Department, which means,
perhaps, that with his very large hands,
perhaps, in all likelihood,
he put gently into the earth
some plants which, most likely,
some of them, in all likelihood,
continue to grow, continue
to do what such plants do, like house
and feed small and necessary creatures,
like being pleasant to touch and smell,
like converting sunlight
into food, like making it easier
for us to breathe.
 
Ross Gay
Copyright © 2015 by Ross Gay. Reprinted from Split This Rock’s The Quarry: A Social Justice Poetry Database.

This beautiful poem reminds me that everything we do matters.  Regardless of how small or insignificant it may seem – a smile, a helping hand,  perhaps deciding to speak up at a meeting - we have no idea of the potential impact of each small and well-intentioned gesture, of the ripples of impact that might spread from one small beginning. 

When we live and lead our lives with integrity, drawing on our gifts as Eric Garner did, doing the things that feel right for us to do, or we feel called to do, we may set in motion a whole ecosystem of life-giving potential.
 

We look with uncertainty
beyond the old choices
for clear-cut answers
to a softer, more permeable aliveness
which is every moment at the brink of death;
for something new is being born in us
 if we but let it.
We stand at a new doorway,
awaiting that which comes . . .
daring to be human creatures,
vulnerable to the beauty of existence.
 Learning to love.
—Anne Hillman -
 

Mary Oliver’s poems are imbued with the mystery and wonder of nature.  They stem from her close and deep attention to the marvels she observes on her daily meditative walks in nature.   Mary Oliver’s poetry and this wee snippet above remind me of school field trips to the rocky shore, when I was principal of Matahui School, where learning outside the classroom, and learning from nature, are central.

The very first activity for each child was to choose a comfortable position, somewhere on their own beside a rock pool, and they were to simply sit there – very quietly - very still - and they were to do nothing but observe their pool.

For five full minutes. 

Which is a long time for a child to sit without moving or saying a word.  In fact we would practise this at school beforehand in preparation for the outing.

For this was the key to unlocking the magic and wonder of the rocky shore for the children; for them to gain the most learning from the experience.  As the observers sat there, as still and quiet as the rocks themselves, the sea life within each pool would decide that it was now safe for them to resume their daily business, and the pools would proceed to come to life.   Myriads of sea life, normally unseen when people are clambering about on the rocks, would begin to move about in their own particular way, doing their own particular thing, for their own particular purpose.  All shapes and sizes, some very tiny and easy to miss without paying close attention.  

And there was so much else to notice within the rock pool - the intricate structures of the plant life, the details and colours of the rocks and shells.  It was enthralling to watch, and once the show began, it was suddenly easier to simply sit and observe.  It was a lesson in paying attention and mindfulness, and this was years before mindfulness became the catchphrase it is today.

The children learned so much more from this activity than the adaptive features of plants and animals.  They also learned about the wonder and beauty of nature, the interdependence of the rock pool community with each other and their shared environment, and how important it is that we treat these  rock pool ‘homes’ and their inhabitants with deep care and respect.   

All very important universal understandings that apply on so many levels in the wider world beyond the rocky shore.

And so back to Mary Oliver, and her gift of observing and learning from nature and beautifully capturing and sharing important universal truths, as she does in her poem Invitation:
​

​I offer some questions as a guide for your reflections.  Or you may wish to go in other directions the poem takes you.
 

• What hopes, dreams and visions have you carried with you?
• What seeds have you planted?
• What has come to fruition?
• What joys and challenges have you experienced?
• Where do you need more patience in your life?
• What do you wish to carry forward?
• What do you choose to let go of?

 
Meanwhile I’m sending out warm wishes for a restful and renewing holiday break, for happy times with loved ones, doing the things that sustain you and bring joy to your life.  

I've been thinking a lot about Time lately - how no one seems to have enough of it, and everyone bemoans the lack of it.  Yet today, being busy seems to have become a social badge of achievement.   We like to tell each other how busy we are. 

What worries me is that when we get too caught up in the surface everyday whirl of our lives, we risk losing deeper connections - important connections - vital even - connection with Self; with others; with nature; connection with the wonder and mystery that life holds.

I believe that many of the personal, social, economic and environmental problems we face across our world today stem from the loss of one or more of these vital connections. Finding the solutions will begin with re-discovering connection.

My blog post today has turned into a poem of sorts.....

Time Out
When did life become a race? 
A race to first up the ladder,
to become the best, the busiest,
to acquire and do the most.
 
When did time become a scarcity?
A thing to be saved and guarded
and meagerly doled out  
into the timetable that is our life.
 
When did leisure time stop being leisurely? 
When did we start cramming our moments
for fun, for friends and family,
into schedules with too few gaps?
 
When did we forget how to wait?
To want everything the world offers and Now.
 
When did we forget that it takes time,
generous time,
to create, to achieve, to connect
to do good things that are truly worth doing.
 
When did exhaustion, overwhelm and burnout become everyday words?
 
And when is someone going to call Time Out?
 
Time for stillness, for rest, for open space,
time for taking stock of our lives
what we’re doing
where we’re going
the things that truly matter to each of us
on our journeys.
 
​
Mennie Scapens

The journey to leadership begins from within – sometimes as a dream or sense of need, perhaps as a commitment to a cause or the desire to serve or solve a problem.

But the frantic pace and outer demands of the journey – the deadlines, the schedules, the overload of information and communication – can often overwhelm and cause us to lose this vital inner connection.

The Art & Spirit of Leadership is a unique leadership development program designed to help you reconnect with the leader within. Through the Circle of Trust approach, developed by educator and author Parker J. Palmer, you’ll have the opportunity to reflect on, renew and develop your inner wisdom and the courage to act on it.  You will learn practices that help you:

• Strengthen your resilience and well-being with new tools that help you to reflect and act upon what matters most
• Create trustworthy relationships to improve collaboration and effectiveness
• Use new approaches to listening and asking questions
• Manage the complexities and tensions of the organisation and/or system in which you work
• Develop the capacity to lead a more, authentic, meaningful and engaged life, both personally and professionally

​You can download a brochure here or contact Mennie for further information.

Today – September 1st – which in New Zealand is the first day of Spring, seems the perfect occasion to announce that the seeds of Courage & Renewal work in New Zealand have made important new growth.  Rodger Spiller and I, with mentor Rick Jackson alongside, have led two wonderful retreats over two weekends – Courage to Teach and Courage to Lead.  I'm in awe of the transformative power of poems, of the way our participants were so ready to engage deeply with this work, and of the personal insights that emerged from our Circles of Trust.  I feel heartfelt gratitude to the poets and writers for the gifts they so generously offer the world. 

While on retreat over dinner one evening, I mentioned my quest to build my library of NZ poems, and Lesley, a school counsellor, offered her favourite – the poem she keeps at hand to help sustain her in her daily work.   It is too good to keep to myself …….

The Bridge
 
There are times in life
when we are called to be bridges,
not a great monument spanning a distance
and carrying loads of heavy traffic
but a simple bridge
to help one person from here to there
over some difficulty
such as pain, fear, grief, loneliness,
a bridge which opens the way
for ongoing journey.

 When I become a bridge for another,
I bring upon myself a blessing, for I escape
from the small prison of self
and exist for a wider world,
breaking out to be a larger being
who can enter another’s pain
and rejoice in another’s triumph.

I know of only one greater blessing
in this life, and that is
to allow someone else
to be a bridge for me.

                                                Joy Cowley

I am an optimist.  My default position has always been that things will get better; they will turn out for the good.   It’s easy to be an optimist on a personal level, but much more difficult on a global scale.   That’s because the future of our beautiful planet and our human race looks bleak most days, and downright doomed on others.

As an optimist, I love it when my optimism is reinforced and justified when good things happen around me.  And right now I’ve got an enormously good feeling of good things happening around me, with the potential that even better things are about to happen.  And I’m talking on a global scale here.  For me, the future of the world is looking brighter.

That’s because I’m one of the 26,000 people from all around the world (from nearly 170 countries) who are taking part in a massive, open (free), on-line learning course through EdX - Transforming Business, Society & Self  led by Otto Scharmer from MIT.   We’re exploring the environmental, social, and spiritual-cultural challenges we’re facing across the globe and the entrenched structures and paradigms of thought that mean our societies collectively keep on creating results that, individually, none of us want.    

It’s remarkable to realise that there are so many people – people from across the globe, from different cultures, with different beliefs and practices – yet we all share similar hopes and dreams, and worries and fears for the future of our planet and those who live on her.

Otto Scharmer ‘s U.Lab heralds a global movement for good of a scale and complexity never before experienced.   He practises what he preaches by leading from the emerging future*.  There are already many people in many places around the world doing many good things in many different areas of need.  But this massive global learning platform has the potential to bring the energy and visions all these change-makers together and create a momentum for change powerful enough and broad enough to shake the entrenched practices and paradigms of the past, and widen the opening to allow the emergence of a much healthier, more just and altogether rosier, future.

It inspires me to know that my work as a Facilitator-in-preparation with the Center for Courage & Renewal is based on principles and practices that resonate very closely with Scharmer’s vision for the emerging future.     I am part of a global movement that is part of a much greater global movement for change.

It is I who must begin.
once I begin, once I try –
here and now, 
right where I am,
not excusing myself
by saying that things
would be easier elsewhere,
without grand speeches and
ostentatious gestures,
but all the more persistently
-to live in harmony
with the ‘voice of Being’, as I
understand it within myself
-as soon as I begin that,
I suddenly discover,
to my surprise, that
I am neither the only one,
nor the first,
nor the most important one
to have set out
upon that road.

 Whether all is really lost
or not depends entirely on
whether or not I am lost.

 Vaclav Havel
(Human rights activist, political dissident and first president of democratic Czechoslovakia)